Missing

Missing…. That one word has so much depth, and brings back so many memories. I could talk about this word endlessly as it relates to my active addiction. I could talk about the times I missed my daughter, the times I missed family events, voluntarily at first and later because I was no longer invited.... Continue Reading →

Living Sober

Where do I even begin? I loved alcohol. I mean, I LOVED it! I loved everything about it. I loved how it gave me confidence; that it made me feel pretty. I loved the apathy that accompanied it. I loved that I was skinnier because I was never hungry. I loved that it was accessible, acceptable even!... Continue Reading →

#MeToo

The #MeToo movement has caused some serious self-reflection in my life. Although I am not ready to write about the actual assault in detail, I do feel comfortable writing about the aftermath. I think... First, there are the flashbacks... I am 19 years old and I have just woken up with a stranger on top... Continue Reading →

Carrying the Message

  I met a woman once, when I was volunteering in a women’s prison, who had spent the last 15 years of her life as a prostitute in active addiction. She didn’t want to be at my meeting. She was one of the ladies who was required to be there. I could see it on... Continue Reading →

Breaking the Stigma

Growing up, society taught me that I should not disclose that I am an alcoholic or an addict; that my addiction is something I should be ashamed of. I heard this message every time someone described someone’s behavior to be that of a “crackhead,” every time someone talked about what a “drunk” someone was or... Continue Reading →

The Lies She Wanted to Hear

Reflecting on what life was like in active addiction, and thanking God I don't live there anymore. 6:45am… She wakes in the morning, and immediately feels the pain of her head against the pillow. She feels embarrassed, but she doesn’t know why. This is not unusual. She often feels the sting of regret before she even remembers... Continue Reading →

Dear Vanessa

I used to spend my Friday nights at parties and nightclubs. I would spend hours getting all dressed up, putting my makeup on and curling my hair. I craved the excitement of finally letting loose (i.e. drinking WAY too much) just as much as I craved attention, because I thought attention meant popularity, beauty meant power and the attraction of... Continue Reading →

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