I Believe in Miracles

Some days, I am just grateful I made it through. I can experience a range of emotions throughout the day – any one of which could be used as an excuse to drink – and yet somehow I choose not to.

It’s a miracle, really.

In early recovery, people would tell me that I was a miracle. I never believed them. I thought it sounded too grandiose a concept to ever apply to someone like me. I would think, “I didn’t do anything spectacular. I’m not even sure I deserve to be alive right now. I’m just…ordinary.”

Today, I recognize the miracle of recovery. I understand what others mean when they say recovery from drugs and/or alcohol is miraculous. I am living with an illness that will never give up until I am dead, and yet here I am…still living.

I have a brain that knows alcohol will kill me, yet still wants it so badly I swear I can taste it at times – and It makes me angry. I immediately tell myself I must be doing something wrong – I must be failing. But when I stop to think about it, I realize what an extraordinary thing it is that I can crave something so badly, yet choose the healthier path.

Progress…not perfection.

I’m exhausted today. It started out OK. It got better at work when I was recognized for a job well done (I still get embarrassed by positive feedback because I struggle to believe that I deserve even the smallest of accolades), and then the evening didn’t go as planned. I found myself feeling angry, disappointed, heartbroken… 😞

But I’m still sober. THAT’S the miracle.

When I put down the substance in 2014, when I finally allowed myself time to heal, the ability to choose was returned to me.

I choose to believe in miracles – and today, I finally feel like I could actually be one of them. 💜

Goodnight friends. Thanks for allowing me to share my journey with you.

Xoxo,

~V~

8 thoughts on “I Believe in Miracles

Add yours

  1. I haven’t drank since 2007 and I feel better mentally, physically and spiritually. Even financially… I’ve found other things that are way more addictive and satisfying… the great outdoors and guitars! But guitars aren’t very financially satisfying lol!!!

    Liked by 3 people

    1. Thank you! Yes! I was capable of some pretty terrible things in active addiction, but I’ve also been capable of some pretty amazing things in recovery! I just need to keep choosing recovery every singe day and I will never have to be that terrible version of myself again! 😁

      Liked by 1 person

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

Create a website or blog at WordPress.com

Up ↑

%d bloggers like this: