Learning How to Celebrate Me

I have some exciting news that I’ve been waiting patiently to share with you all!

It’s official! I was promoted at work today! Or as my daughter would say – I leveled up!

So I’m taking a moment to toot my own horn, because I’ve worked hard for this dammit!

To be honest, I still sometimes feel completely undeserving anytime anything good happens in my life! Even writing the words “I” and “promotion” in the same sentence makes my cheeks flush with embarrassment.

For such a long time, I didn’t think I deserved success, or even happiness, after everything I put my family and friends through when I was sick.

Six years ago, I was still drinking (like a fish) and making some pretty irresponsible (shitty) decisions in my life. Those decisions had a massive impact on my my family, as well. Sadly, I was not the only casualty of my illness. There is not a day that goes by where I don’t think about those things, and honestly, it’s one of the reasons I remain so vigilant in my recovery today.

I left a perfectly good job (before I could be fired) because I could barely get myself out of bed to get to work anymore, my liver had begun failing me and (at only 29 years old) I was experiencing late stage symptoms of alcoholism. My husband filed for divorce (we are still married today! Phew!), and – worst of all – I was not emotionally present as a mother for my daughter.

If you would have asked me back then where I thought I would be today, sadly I would have told you that I hoped I‘d be dead. I didn’t believe I would ever get better. I thought I was doomed to a lifetime of despair and regret. I had given up all hope. I was exhausted – physically, mentally, spiritually.

It’s heartbreaking to think about, because today I realize what a gift it is to be alive and how many people would have been impacted by my absence.

I thought for sure, by now, my self-sabotaging behaviors would have kicked in and I would inevitably be right back where I started – alone, angry and lost. But they haven’t! Want to know why? Because I am vigilant in my recovery! It never gets a day off.

Despite all of my best efforts to convince myself that I am a failure, I have not failed yet. Even when I falter, I stay standing.

I am so grateful I hung on long enough to experience this transformation. I am grateful I found the strength within me to put in the work (a lot of work!), when it would have been much easier to throw in the towel. I am grateful I learned to have patience, faith and the confidence to advocate for myself and others.

Since getting sober, I‘ve been promoted 4 times! That’s right – 4 TIMES!!! It’s easy to forget sometimes just how far I‘ve come. Day to day nothing seems to change, so it’s important to take time every so often to reflect on where I once was – not to dwell on it, but to bring forth a bit of gratitude when needed.

My life got better when I quit drinking. That’s it. That’s the secret.

Some people think it’s a mistake to share openly about what I’ve gone through, but I respectfully disagree. I think it’s important that I tell my truth. It keeps me healthy and humble, and I truly believe it is my responsibility as a recovering woman to show others that recovery is possible and that we are not alone.

I wouldn’t be where I am today if other women hadn’t first shared their stories of struggle and success with me.

We do recover – and when we do, the sky is the limit! ♥️

Xoxo,

V