I’m using my first Mother’s Day coupon for some Mommy/Daughter quiet time this morning! ☀️
I am so incredibly grateful for my recovery today, and I know I talk about it a lot, but please try to understand that without my recovery I wouldn’t be here today. It is incredibly important to me – it is the very reason I was able to celebrate 5th healthy Mother’s Day yesterday! Yay!
I have now been present for more of my daughter’s Mother’s Days than I was absent. It’s a BIG deal for both of us!
Had I not made the decision to change, had I not found the strength within me to pick up the pieces and move forward with my life, I would have missed all of these moments with my child -the big and the small – and THAT would have been my life’s greatest tragedy.
These small moments are sometimes my favorite – just the pure act of being present in each moment with my daughter. This type of love is unparalleled. It is truly a gift. 💝
I know a lot of women struggle on Mother’s Day. I know it can be a difficult day for so many, and for a thousand different reasons. I try not to be insensitive to this – I think about you often, and I’ve known a piece of your pain, your grief, your fear.
I was a mother who struggled on this day for the first 4 years of my daughter’s life. I never felt like this particular day was ever meant for me, or that I ever deserved it. I’m strong enough to say that my actions in active addiction did not warrant any sort of motherly celebration. I was not an emotionally present mother back then, and although I was sick and struggling with my own mental illness, I still carry the weight of that pain on my shoulders at times.
Still, I don’t know that I would ever be able to enjoy a quiet morning outside with my daughter – listening to the sounds of nature – had I not first felt the excruciating pain of loss. In my case, that loss is time – something I can never get back. So it’s important to me to make sure that I spend the rest of my days leading a life that allows me to be emotionally alert and available 100% of the time.
You see, my illness only weakened me when it was left untreated. Today, in stark contrast, my illness has strengthened me.
I treat to my illness every single day. I have been doing this for 1,670 days – all in a row.
First, I acknowledge what a gift it is to be alive each day. I open my eyes in the morning and thank my Higher Power for another opportunity to grow. I make a daily commitment to myself, before my feet even hit the ground, to choose recovery and make healthy choices for the next 24 hours. And then I get to work.
I’m not a perfect person, and I’m certainly not a perfect mother. I make mistakes every single day, but none as great as the ones I made in active addiction. To me, every day that I choose life and love over my disease is a success.
My heart is full of love and gratitude this morning.
Thank you for being a part of my journey.