Just for Today

The longer I stay healthy, the more I recognize there is so much more to recovery than just putting down the substance. I think the easiest part of my journey was probably making the decision to quit. The hardest part has been taking the actions necessary to remain successful.

Sometimes, I miss the apathy that accompanied my drinking. I miss not having to care or feel so much. This admission does NOT mean I am going to trade in my 1,411 days sober for a fruity cocktail – but it is the honest, and sometimes painful, truth of this recovering woman.

In the beginning, I quit because I didn’t want to die. I wanted to live – for my daughter at first, and then gradually for myself too. Today, I stay because I am not willing to trade the life I have built for a temporary reprieve.

Life can be straight-up intolerable sometimes. Things don’t always go right (cough…my way), I still make plenty of mistakes, and the people I care about the most can make mistakes too.

Sometimes those mistakes are painful and heartbreaking and I end up feeling betrayed or disrespected. Sometimes those mistakes are trivial and I blow them completely out of proportion. Sometimes, those mistakes are blessings in disguise.

There is one thing I know for sure in this life, and that is that no drink or drug will ever take that pain away forever. Sure, maybe for a moment, but when the fog clears we always return to that very same reality – and most times the substance has made that problem worse…much, much worse.

Don’t get me wrong, I still have days where I feel like giving up, but I have learned that most pain is temporary – which means that taking the first drink or drug is a permanent solution to a temporary problem.

At the end of the day, no matter what I have gone through, no matter what mistakes I have made, I can place my head on my pillow and feel proud of myself. I feel proud! I couldn’t say that before I gave up alcohol – honestly, I could barely look at myself in the mirror.

When I stopped drinking, my life got better. Period!

Some days, my greatest accomplishment is not picking up that drink when my thoughts and hands are screaming for it. Some days, I even crave the buzz from that first puff on a cigarette – but I know I have a choice today. That choice was returned to me when I chose recovery over my addiction. Other days, my greatest accomplishment is going to work and being a productive member of society. But most days, my greatest accomplishment is simply showing up and being present and dependable for my family, every minute of every day – the good and the bad.

Recovery is what allows me to do this. Every day, before my feel hit the floor, I make a commitment to myself to stay sober for another 24 hours. I strive to be better than I was the day before. Some days, I feel like I am standing still – but even at a snails pace I have continued to make progress.

Never lose hope because of a temporary setback. Put your eyes to the sky and have a little faith – you just might witness a miracle. You may even become one yourself! ♥️

Xoxo,

~V~

6 thoughts on “Just for Today

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  1. You’re reminding me of what I finally realised (not that it stopped me) that nothing I ever used could ever be enough unless I would end up killing myself in the process.
    Love and light.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Yes. I think when we are in the grip of our disease, we just want that instant relief. We don’t think about what will happen after. We are in pain and we want that pain to stop…NOW. 🙂 I was not a patient person before recovery, and I still struggle with it at times today, but the longer I stay in recovery the easier it becomes to trust the process and have a little faith that things will work out the way they should.

      Liked by 1 person

  2. Some days I just want to isolate from my family for no reason than feeling depressed and paranoid that they do not like me. I have to push through those feelings reminding myself that I am accountable to them and that I have to make amends in any way I can. It is one day at a time.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I will let you in on a little secret. I enjoy isolating! Eeek! One of my favorite parts of the day is when everyone is asleep and I can sit alone and cuddle with my dog or watch a movie. I still find it challenging to get up and get out of my comfort zone at times – but when it is all said and done, I never regret it. I’ve found that human connection is imperative to my recovery.

      Liked by 1 person

  3. In my pain I begin to understand; I listen to find hope, and in loving him, I continue to believe.

    We must stay humble and stay grateful – and continue to hope. Hope is a powerful source of strength. Hope doesnt change reality. Or maybe it does. I don’t know, but i do know that it has fueled my spirit and has helped me to hang on..

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I truly believe that the word hope is one of the most powerful words in the dictionary. Hope, gratitude and humility are all essential pieces of my recovery program. Without them, I am not sure where I would be. Thanks for reading and commenting! Xoxo – V

      Like

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