Mirrors

I used to spend so much time looking at myself in the mirror. Fixing my hair, putting on my makeup. It was all a facade, to mask how I really felt about myself. I couldn’t even go to the grocery store without putting makeup on first. I was afraid that I would see someone I knew and they would tell everyone my big secret; that I am just average. I was too self-centered to realize the world wasn’t talking about me when I wasn’t around.

Then I went through a few years where I couldn’t even look at myself in the mirror, I hated myself that much. If I forced myself to look in the mirror it usually ended in tears. The reflection I saw was just a shell of a woman, drowning in guilt, regret and failure. A woman doomed to spend the remainder of her days in her own personal hell. I didn’t know then what I know now; there is a way out.

Today, when I look in the mirror I see a mom who is doing her best to show her daughter how much she loves her. I see a wife that loves and appreciates her husband. I see a daughter, sister and friend who is dependable and honest. I see a woman with integrity.

The beauty in all of this is that I don’t need to check my reflection to know that I am doing these things! I can feel it!

I may not look like a model, I may not be pretty by societies standards. I have bags under my eyes and I’m not a size 2, BUT I love the woman I have become since finding recovery and that is far more beautiful to me than anything external.

I am not ashamed to show the world the real me today. I have no control over the thoughts of others, and to be honest I probably wouldn’t spend my time with anyone who wants to judge me for my appearance or the mistakes I made in the past anyway. The only things I have control over are my attitude and my actions. That’s it!

And today, I choose to be happy. And that my friends is a tremendous blessing. ❤️

11 thoughts on “Mirrors

    1. Yes! Me too! In active addiction, I didn’t even know who I was anymore. In early sobriety, I was ashamed. Now that I have a few years sober, I am starting to finally feel like the me i was always supposed to be!

      Liked by 1 person

  1. My mom threw out the scale when I was a kid!

    Important to learn how to look at the mirror and immediately find positive, gorgeous, radiant things about yourself. And they may not be physical but mental things you love too.

    Liked by 1 person

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